Self - Help: Simplified

I want to label my blog and online identity as a self help, safe space. But I’m torn because both of those really good concepts have been taken and stretched so far into a business model that no one is willing to trust it. It does work, as I am living proof. That is why all the knowledge I have and am capable of sharing will be free online. Through the links in the bio. And you can see me in however many platforms I end up branching to. So we’ll call it “self-help:simplified.”

In truth I could just go on about what I think everyone should do. But I truly don’t think anyone SHOULD do anything. We are the most advanced creatures known so far. So there are going to be people wired differently that different things work for. That’s ok! It’s just a point to say that I want the platform to promote communication. Because communication is how we learn, grow, and introspect. And effective communication can be a rare and daunting thing to do. Especially if you never learned how to.

I struggle with communication too sometimes. When I get embarrassed I tend to sound like I’m snapping at anyone who talks to me. Or other times I’m completely fine but my tone will come off degrading or insulting. The issue isn't that it happens from time to time, because IT HAPPENS. So if that ever happens to you, what do you do to appease the situation?

Just apologize, even if the person thought nothing of it. Apologize for the sake that you genuinely didn’t mean for it to come off a certain way. It doesn’t hurt to do so, and that way no accidental resentment can build up. It’s not just about upping the amount we communicate with others, but also how we communicate.

These are things we have to actively think about until we rewire who it is that we are/were programmed to be. I say programmed because that’s what it is. Not always, but sometimes. As our parents are… well our parents we tend to learn things from them. Including the negative or toxic things. It’s ok that it happens or if it’s the only way you know. That’s why self help and learning to evolve our way of thinking can be such a daunting task. Because cognitive dissonance is extremely uncomfortable.

To allow yourself to open the line of communication within yourself ask questions. I was hit hard with the fact when I was in a job interview (that I did not get, thank god!) and the interviewer asked me “What is it you like to do?”

I remember I was nervous and I said I liked to play video games. Then I stopped and thought about what else it is I like. And then I murmured the statement. “I guess I don't really know what I like to do.”

It was like the coldest wettest fish slap to the face. I had no clue who I was, just how I acted. My fiance showed me the questions she asked herself. So I started. “I wonder why I do this?” “Do I like to do this?” “Is this idea or thought true/ good?” “What do I value as good?” Oh what an exciting time. The more introspective I was, the more it felt like popping pieces of a puzzle into place. What was this jumbled mess that was my mind started making a picture. And when it was done it was who I was, who I wanted to be. And it was fantastic, when i look back I don’t even recognize nor do I ever want to see that version of me. Yes, it’s all me. But I don’t want to have that be a part of me, so I didn't let it.

So start small. What’s my favorite color? Why? It doesn't have to be this small, but just an example! And if it is, that’s ok, we all have to start where we start. If you’d like to share some of the questions that have helped you, leave them in a comment. That way we can help each other grow or open up different perspectives. Remember, take your time, take one step at a time. It's not complicated. It’s self-help: simplified.